The Sens gave a glimpse of what could have been as Josh "Shaggy" Copskey went 5 strong innings although Bryan "Guy Smile" Bezd...Bed...I don't know how to spell his name, got the win with Justin Callahan getting the win.

So the season is over and no playoffs for the Sens. I got nothing. Enjoy the Mader video.

This game was so bad I have nothing entertaining for you so instead I will show you this taser video...enjoy.

In a game that saw the return of Pete Conlin to the 25+ line up, the Washington Twp. Senators 2009 season flatlined at the hands of the Chichester Rays. The Rays top 4 hitters pounded Sens pitching very much like Peter North pounds Katie Morgans ass in just about every flick he does. This game almost didn't get started as the gate to the Senators Stadium was "mysteriously" locked. This was either an honest mistake or someones way of telling us how bad this season has been that maybe we should not suck on the field anymore. To their misfortune the hobbled and shorthanded Senators marched right out there and stuck their collective dicks in the mashed potatoes and queefed out a 10-8 loss.

After the game all of the Senators wives  filed for divorce on the grounds that their husbands have elected to be little girls and made sleeping with them now impossible. A report now claims that all Senators players must now sit down when they go pee. 

My dad is from the midwest has a saying for everything. He has one in particular that really applies to the Camden Dominicans. The saying goes "If you are blowing your horn too loud all the time you never get to hear people tell you if it sounds good or not". Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Dominicans team. They spent most of the morning celebrating routine fly ball homeruns. One in particular hit by their pitcher...a painfully average pitcher whose fastball topped out at about 73 mph and his curveball and more hump to it than the Hunchback of Notre Dames back. Let's put it this way, I hit a homerun off of him and was embarassed to run the bases on what should have been a gap double in any other ballpark in this league. The 265 ft little league centerfield fence "Lefty" hit a fence scraper over prompted him to run around the bases with his fist in the air screaming at the top of his lungs and while reaching home, he dropped to his knees and punched homeplate twice...classless.

Long story short, this team mugged and posed their way through a win while assaulting the boundaries of sportsmanship and class. Sad part is that they actually are a pretty talented hitting team although their pitching is painfully average.

Maybe its because I make fun of fat people or maybe its because I make fun of cowards who have no balls named Jowap the Weasel but needless to say God hates me. First, the Snappers flat out earned that win as they swung the bats and I swear to God they had 5 outfielders because with the exception of 1 error those little fuckers caught everything. Big Props to Sens pitcher Joe Fortunato who once again bailed out the rest of the staff who decided attendance to games was optional. Joe junked and juked his way through 5 innings while getting a some defense...but not much. In any event the Senatits have not lived up to the hype that The Nation Himself propogated at the beginning of the season and in reality maybe a "B" team at best.

Sens RF Bull Radecke made the "Township 9" respectable by going 2 for 4 with 2 RBI's while the clean up hitter (who will remain nameless) stuck his cock in the Cocker Spaniel by wiffing twice on his way to riding an 0 for 11 shit stain on the season. In his last 15 plate appearances has 1 hit, 1 walk and 1 hit by pitch. The only plate he has been productive at is the one in his dining room. His presence in the line up has been about as useful as a raging boner at a lesbian convention.

The Washington Clownship Senaturds hit the field versus the Camden Dominicans next Sunday at Deptford Varsity. At this point the Senatwits will need to run the table in order to have the slightest chance of making the playoffs...playoffs....playoffs? 

1 Game, 2 Hurt, 3 Wins

It has been 55 calendar days between wins, our tits have been ripped, our asses pounded and our pride pissed on. But Goddammit we've got Ethan Witte. No matter that guys have been hurt, no matter that the Nation Himself had to stand the barbs of Scott "White Shoes" Hillman or Mike "Why don't you respond to my innane e-mails in .005 seconds" Calvez. It doesn't matter that Pat "Are you going to eat that" Quinn feels a little better that my team lost to his team. It doesn't matter because we have Ethan-Fuckin-Witte and you can kiss our ball sacs.

Sundays game marked the first time the two "W's" faced off and despite their 0-7 record, the Warriors weren't bad. I think if they are an 0-7 team in this league then this league is pretty damn good. The played defense and didn't cause an error that caused any runs. Their pitching was tricky but their catcher smelled like fear and I think I heard him weeping with every pitch he caught. Oh, he also referred to the umpire as "mommy" and while batting would poke his nose and eat it. I think he had at some point during the game soiled his pants in the front AND back...disgusting. Our catcher though...Ethan Witte...did not have those problems as he was universally excellent on the day.

The Sens host P90-Nick and the Joisey Devils at "The House That Conlin Built...then Puked On" next Sunday at 9am. That's right, on Fathers Day. See you then hammers!

THE GAUL OF THESE GUYS

I really can't tell them apart but those Gaul brothers can play some baseball. The 2 brothers went a combined 4 for 5 with 2 doubles, 2 walks, 6 runs scored and 3 RBI's. What the fuck!?!?!

The Senators jumped out to a 7-1 lead but could not hold on as the Moorestown Phillies can flat out hit. The Sens bats woke up and pounded out 12 hits over 5 innings...then promptly went back to sleep (notably 4 from Tony "McLovin" Frese and 3 from Bill "Go Fuck Yourself" Jentsch on the day). One of the highlights of the day was that of The Nation Himself who after popping out to the rightfielder in the 3rd inning, retreated behind the Senators dugout and proceded to vomit like an expectant mother as his little asshole son, 3Mason, so generously shared his stomach virus with his daddy this weekend.

The Sens losing streak extended to 5 games, not good. One more shout out to my fellow Latino homeboy, Troy Rosado of the Jersey Devils who broke his leg in multiple places on Sunday on a clean takeout slide while turning a double play. We wish him a speedy recover and will keep watch him rehab to get back on the field the old fashion way...with steroids. Viva La Raza. 

TISSUES, TANTRUMS AND TAMPONS, OH MY!

PREFACE: THIS DOES NOT PERTAIN TO HARRY THOMAS OR DAMION STEELE WHO SINGLE HANDEDLY WON GAME 1 THEMSELVES.

So, you want to beat the Iron Pigs? Its two guys carrying the load while a bunch of other guys bitch, moan, whine, cry and complain. In what was utter displays of unfounded arrogance and bush league softball behavior, the Gloucester City Iron Pigs managed to complain on every call, show up other players and act like idiots. Case and point, in Game 1 with a man on second and the furry, tattooed parade float coaching third base yells to the runner on second base to steal. I'm not making this up, he literally screams "GO! YOU CAN STEAL THE BASE! RUN ON THE NEXT PITCH!" Not too stupid or arrogant. Anyway, Senators pitcher Josh Copskey in a slow and completely obvious move to secondbase throws to second and the mental midget actually tries to steal and promptly gets thrown out. After Josh comes out of the game a position player comes in to pitch as no other pitchers were available for the Sens and holds the "mighty Iron Pigs" scoreless for 4 innings until Jeff Vance gets injured and the Pigs tie it in the 7th, then in the 9th score on a chopper over thirdbase rolls down the line where there is no fielder due to the injury so that the guy from first runs around the bases and scores. Impressive definitely this team will repeat as champs. In the end, Damion Steel accounted for 4 hits and Harry for 1 while pitching well for 8 innings and Damion coming in for the save....so Game 1 in a nutshell, Damion and Harry 5 of the Pigs 5 hits  (A.K.A all of them), 2 runs surrendered and 2 runs scored. Rest of the team were like tits on a bull...useless.

In Game 2 another position player for the Senators surrenders 4 runs (1 earned) against that high powered Pig Attack. The bottom line, no excuses for the Senators. Four straight turds of games which were easily winnable. All the blame lies on the Senators bats. Maybe this version of the Washington Twp. team isn't as good as it was made out to be by myself. Although these losses were the worst as the Pigs are not good. They are like the show Jon & Kate plus 8, two people worth paynig attention to (Harry and Damion) and 8 children which get more and more whiny as the show goes along.   

(Exception also to Joe Connors who was a wall behind the plate making some impressive blocks and Scott Makys...Masky...Mackrel...Makoshark.....Scott...for helping Jeff Vance when he seperated his shoulder and will require surgery)

TOO MUCH TALK...

With all the recent guest book chatter with the Iron Pigs the Senators players started to believe too much what they read. Case and point being the discussion of what inning we would 12 run the Pirates before the game started...until the Pirates shoved our egos up our asses. We had it coming. Great job by the scrappy Pirates and especially Tommy Burbage who nibbled and drank his way through 7 innings until giving way to Johnny "Junito" Gonzalez who not only picked up the save but also added a 2 run jack into the trees at Alcyon Park.

The Senators have 2 weeks to lick their wounds and unfuck themselves for a pivotal doubleheader against Harry Thomas and the Gloucester City Iron Pigs. This will also mark the first time that 3 will wear any other number other than 3 when he settles up a bet and wears a #5 for the first and maybe the second game of the doubleheader.  

WAAH, WAAH, WAAH...!

Senators baserunners...destined to prove that aggressive baserunning is not a right or a priviledge but a choice to prove that bad decisions will trump smart baseball. Unfortunately they were proven wrong. Now, the Blaze did a great job so they earned the win. Senators player though were also destined to set new league records in complaining and incessant whining. I wish I was trying to be funny, but it is unfortunately true.

WHAT THE....!

Senators win 3-1, run in the top of the 9th to tie, 2 in the top of the 10th to win; Justin Callahan, save...whatever...but DUDE! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT THING THAT PITCHED 7 SCORELESS INNINGS FOR THE DEVILS?!?!?! HE LOOKED LIKE A LONG HAIRED BLOND MATISYAHU! I MEAN IT WAS NUTS. I SWEAR I COULDN'T CONCENTRATE WHEN THE DEAD RYTHYM GUITAR PLAYER FROM LYNRD SKYNRD CIRCA 1975 WAS ON THE HILL.

Senators will host the Iron Harrys at Deptford Varsity this Sunday where yellow discipline will be administered on the face of Steve "I had Ovaries Installed" Griffin. There is an outside shot that Peter "Jitbag" Farlow will be in attendance too!

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SLAP HANDS!

So the Senators got off the shitter by staging a comeback win over the Logan Lions. Gary Barbara paced the Nation's Squad by hitting a 3 run bombin the 5th inning and collecting his 6th RBI of the season. Also notable was Dave "Dude where's my sobriety" Pennisi who racked up a 2 bagger as well as John Mader who laced two sigles of his own. Joe Fortunato also broke his franchise leading 53rd bat in his brief 3 year Senator career.

A streak that did get broken was that of the Senators booting around the baseball as they played error free baseball for the first time since Obama was snorting coke off of a Time magazine in Hawaii. The Sens take on the Devils at Burlington Twp. next week as 3Mama and 3Dad will be inattendance with 3's Rachel Ray look alike sister will be in attendance to watch...actually just to see 3Mason as he will be at the game too.

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No Glove, No Love

Well opening day for the Senators was interesting. The pitchers had 11 strikeouts, the offense laced 20 hits and scored 16 runs so on any Sunday that will get your ass a win....except this Sunday. When the defense and it's 12 errors which makes it about as effective contraception at an inner city high school you could trot Cy Young's ass on the bump and you will LOSE! 

A couple of highlights was that of John "Dude Where's My Neck" Mader who showed up 57 seconds before the game, was tying his shoes in the outfield then tucked his pajama pants in then proceeded to hit a fucking laser to the gap (on of 2 doubles on the day). Fuck him for waking up and hitting while my fat ass got there early, stretched, got batting practice, did some tai chi, then a grease down and a shiatsu. My "single" was hit with barely enough power to knock a dead whore off of a piss pot.  Also notable was Billy Jentsch who threw some nasty stuff racking up 3 K's in 1.3 innings then got ejected.

The Somerdale Dodgers were a good squad, very into the game and I was as tall as about 90% of their line up...nice. Anyway, the Sens take their ball kicking extravaganza on the road next week to face off against Joe DiMeo and the Logan Lions down in Logan.